I Surrendered Myself to the Ocean

I surrendered my pain, sorrow and anxiety to the ocean on the day I nearly drowned. I was under my mother’s right arm. My friend Najat was under her left arm. And we were paddling for our lives with our legs. During that Summer getaway, when I was 5 years old, the three of us were building sandcastles on the beach in Renesse, when we suddenly realized we were surrounded by the water and the shores had retreated far away behind us.

The sandbank we were playing on got surrounded by a riptide. We tried to get to shore as quickly as possible, but the current was too strong for us to make any progress. I remember my mother holding both Najat and me in her arms as she tried to swim us back to the safe shore, while also keeping her calm. But it took us forever and there were no coastguards at that time.

I was terrified and thought we would drown on the spot, but we eventually got back to the beach. The biggest relief ever took hold of me. I got to live another day and we were safe!

I started to reflect on that thought of “being safe”

But was I safe? Being in that cold dark current, I also felt something entirely different than fear. It was as if the unknown of the sea below me formed an invitation. A new start that would only happen if I would let go. That was weirdly inviting, somehow.

As my mother was out of breath and tried to move the three of us closer to the shore, I started a conversation with the depth below me. What if I would let go right now? What would I feel, if I could let go of my current life and just release my entire being into the deep? Would anyone miss me? Probably not. Would the world stop turning if I was no longer alive and “on it”? I guess not.

The thoughts scared me at first, but they also calmed me down. Because, suppose I would drown and no longer see the light of day? That would mean I didn’t have to go back to him, my father. To that house. To that terror he reigned with. To the exhausting hurt and deep pain he inflicted upon my mother and me. To that everyday, constant stress. To always being afraid and on the look-out.

I felt a calmness take hold of me

As the cold waves hit us in the face, and I felt our bodies getting tired, I was tempted to take on the invitation of the ocean. She would make a good companion. A omniscient and patient listener. Someone who would embrace me with unconditional love and keep me safe from the harm in the world above that sea level.

As I started to calm down, I closed my eyes, and was ready to give in to that lurking cold. A smile formed on my face, and I accepted that all was good, and that I was no longer afraid. There was no need for me to back. I could finally release control, relax and just be in the moment. In the ocean I was exactly who I was supposed to be and I was going to be fine.

Then a subtle voice spoke to me

The moment I relaxed my body, I heard a voice speak to me: “Take life by the hand.” I startled out of my state of surrender and realized I could choose another option. What if I only released my darkness, my troubles and my anxiety into the ocean and swam towards the light instead?

I could feel a little nudge under me, as if she agreed with that internal decision. The ocean was my friend, vast and accepting, non-judgmental and loving, strong and soft, dark and light all at the same time.

I would not die that day

So I smiled and saw myself like a template of that powerful ocean. I myself could also embrace those qualities. I would be able to embody all of the light and dark, the hard and soft, all at the same time.

Then I knew it. I wasn’t going to choose death that day. I had too much to do in my life. It wasn’t my time, for I saw myself as a bad-ass warrior. Some energetic force that would bring good in the world, by fully accepting all aspects of herself, and by doing the same for others in need. I felt a primordial power stream through my feet, up to the crown of my head that said: “Choose the light. Go be gold.” It felt like coming home to me.

The moment of epiphany

Suddenly time became fluid, as if it was sped up, and my mother, Najat and me were able to get to dry land. We made it. But something stronger inside me had taken shape. Like a small seedling that nestled and braced itself for the future.

I wasn’t ready that day to become a modern-day Joan of Arc, but I knew I could trust that my strong inner voice would guide me towards brighter days. I had a purpose. I would battle injustice. In a way that wasn’t clear to me at that time. But I felt it was there, like a silent, invisible friend.

So I chose the light that day on the beach

It might sound heavy or woo-woo, especially for a 5-year old girl. It might also sound like some type of God complex, which it isn’t. I knew (and still know) why I chose the light of life and didn’t surrender to the darkness of the ocean. Giving up just wasn’t my style. Being a victim did not fit me. I had so much love in me, for me, for others and that love had saved my life.

It wasn’t for years later that I rediscovered (or uncovered) my true voice as an artist. A photographer at first, creating newborn images and capturing the love of new families. Then as a business coach for other creatives, teaching and guiding them in how set up profitable and authentic businesses that could also build their self-confidence.

Then in 2024, just before I turned 50, I chose the path I was always meant to be on and switched my photography and coaching business to the business of art. Although it doesn’t feel like work in any way, I know it is the job that I was always meant to perform. The pieces and colors and images just flow through me, and I’m my zone when I create. It feels as if I’m a channel for the universal message of truth and love. It feels like home.

Allergic to OPP: Other People’s Bullshit

I also had to turn 50 (and be perimenopausal in full swing) before I decided to finally break off the contact with my toxic parents, as if I grew an intolerance to their everlasting BS and negativity. No more space for my father’s life-long abuse, physical or mental. No more platform or wasting energy on his lies, manipulation and anger. No more enabling my mother to play the victim and point the finger at others.

It was time to shine and focus my energy towards my purpose in life. To use my precious time here on earth to grow and help others thrive. Time to take charge and drop the destructive patterns. I was ready to take on love, peace and forgiveness as the main character.

The goddess of all that exists

It wasn’t until I visited the National Maritime Museum in Amsterdam in February (of 2026), that the final piece of this epiphany puzzle fell in its place. That day I visited the exhibition “Shadows of the Atlantic”, that includes the works of photographer and artistic researcher Lisandro Suriel from the series “Ghost Island”. He explores the shared African identity of the descendants of enslaved people.

As I read the description of this work, I learned of Yemanya, the mother goddess of the ocean in Yoruba religion. She has many names (Yemaya, Yemayá, Yemoja, Yemaja, Iemanjá), but she is highly valued by her followers. Yemanya is recognized for her compassion, offering relief to those in need. Her believers think she hears their prayers and grants them protection, healing, and advice.

My heart skipped a beat and took me back to that moment of existential fear in the ocean, almost 45 years ago. Right then and there, I knew that it was she who spoke to me at that time. It was her female voice that consoled me, and guided me towards the light of life. It was her that created space for all my darkness without judgment. I cried on the spot, as I was so thankful knowing that she was the one who was there for me, in the shape of that little seedling of awareness that took hold of me as a little girl. It was a full circle moment.

The Inspiration of my Empowerment Portrait and mission as an artist

The story you read so far, is why I do what I do as an Empowerment Artist. My inner compass is finally speaking loudly and I know that, with my paintings, I can create space for honouring and celebrating the personal victory women go through as they become who they were meant to be. My images can empower, hold space for conversation, celebrate life’s struggles and the personal victories we all embody on our way to love.

For the past few months, I’ve been working on my very own Empowerment Portrait, called "The Epiphany of Yemanya". For that day in the ocean, I experienced the ultimate force of nature that is the ocean. She is a trusted friend who will guide and support you unconditionally. She is a feminine energy, a consciousness, that generates love and guides me forwards. Yamanya keeps me honest and fully accepting of all of me: my light and dark.

We are all connected. We are all universal beings of love and energy. We are one. We all crave love, safety, connection, meaning. I hope this story has illustrated that for you. Never give up. Go within and trust that voice that speaks from your gut. It will always guide you to your light. Be love.

XO, Yvonne

P.S. Below are a few photos of "the making of" and finished piece called “The Epiphany of Yemanya”. I hope you like it. I will put up a digital version of this work for you in my shop. Let me know if you have any feedback, questions, requests. Bye!

Yvonne working on The Epiphany of Yemanya in her atelier

Did this transformation story spark your interest?